


Take Time To Make Time

by WhispersInTheWing



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Age Play, Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Future, Assassin's Creed References, Baby Daryl, Bed-Wetting, Bisexual Tara, Blood and Injury, Cutting, Daddy Negan, Daryl Has Issues, Daryl Needs a Hug, Diapers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Instability, Minor Rick Grimes/Michonne, Negan is actually a nice guy, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Age Play, Not Canon Compliant, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pacifiers, Post-War, Post-War future, Protective Negan, Self-Harm, Spanking, Suicide Attempt, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-08 08:20:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8837386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhispersInTheWing/pseuds/WhispersInTheWing
Summary: Rick sat down on the edge of the bed, running a hand across his beard. "It turns out we were part of a social experiment television show. We had our minds partially wiped and our memories replaced with false ones. The Walkers were those who hadn’t fled the country before the Great War. The remaining governments of the world came together to try and decide what to do with the United States since it was unlivable. They needed a distraction for the people; they were worried that what happened to the US would happen to the rest of the world. We were all chosen at random, at least a thousand of us at one point. They wiped the memories of our lives and our knowledge of the Great War and replaced them with what we thought was real. But it’s over now.”





	1. I Found A Way

**Author's Note:**

> After the mid-season finale, this idea came into my head and wouldn't leave. I wanted to show a different side to Negan and wanted to give Daryl some down-time after everything that asshole Dwight did to him. This is not canonical AT ALL and with it being a sort of futuristic AU I took quite a few liberties. But do let me know if you find any jarring errors.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Much Love, S

Daryl was surrounded. Walkers swarmed around the truck below him, arms reaching up for him. He covered his ears with his hands as the sound of a hundred Walkers filled the air. He had managed to escape from Negan and the Saviors thanks to an unknown help, but now he was alone with no way to know how to get back to Alexandria. And with no weapon Daryl had quickly become overrun.

 _This is it,_ Daryl thought as he sank to his knees and closed his eyes. _I’m going to die out here. I’ll never see my home again. I’ll never see Rick or Michonne or Judith again._ A tear slipped down Daryl’s cheek.

The sound of machinegun fire pulled Daryl from his thoughts. He didn’t dare move a muscle in case it was Negan’s people that had cut down the Walkers. Something sharp jammed into Daryl’s neck and his vision fogged. He collapsed to the side and succumbed to the encroaching blackness. “I’m sorry Rick,” Daryl muttered.

~~**~~

 _“Why hasn’t he woken up yet?”_ Daryl recognized that voice; it was Rick. He wondered if that meant he was back at Alexandria with his family and friends.

 _“He should be waking at any moment. The sedative we had to give him was a much higher dosage than the others. We thought about placing him in a medically induced coma until such time that we deemed him no longer a threat to himself or others.”_ This voice Daryl couldn’t place. It was a woman’s voice with a British accent, and she sounded like she knew what she was talking about. _“The superiors thought that wiping his memory might be a good idea as well.”_

_“No, no one is touching Daryl’s brain again. You should let me explain things to him when he wakes up. It would be best if none of your people were in the room, including yourself. He’ll be pissed and want to lash out. I’m the only one he’ll listen to.”_

Daryl tried to pull himself from unconsciousness, but the sedatives were too strong. He wanted desperately to let Rick know that he was okay; that Dwight hadn’t broken him, that he would never kneel to Negan. He could still fight; he wanted to fight against the Saviors for what they did to Abraham and Glenn.

_“I understand completely Mr. Grimes. I assure you that as with everyone else, Mr. Dixon will be properly reimbursed for his time in the experiment.”_

Experiment? What in the hell was that woman talking about? First she was talking about wanting to put him in a coma, and now she was talking about some sort of experiment.

 _“Dad! Dad, he’s waking up!”_ Carl’s voice cut through some of the fog surrounding Daryl’s brain and just added so many more questions.

Daryl groaned as he awoke, his head pounding with the beginnings of a migraine. The fluorescent lights overhead didn’t help matters either. His mouth felt like it was full of cotton.

“Rick? Wh-what the hell’s going on? Where am I?” Daryl croaked. He struggled to sit up, but found he was restrained to the bed.

The British woman checked his vital signs and wrote them down on a clipboard before turning and giving them the room.

Rick sat down on the edge of the bed, running a hand across his beard. “You’re in a hospital in London, England. It turns out we were part of a social experiment television show. We had our minds partially wiped and our memories replaced with false ones. The Walkers were those who hadn’t fled the country before the Great War. The remaining governments of the world came together to try and decide what to do with the United States since it was unlivable. They needed a distraction for the people; they were worried that what happened to the US would happen to the rest of the world. We were all chosen at random, at least a thousand of us at one point. They wiped the memories of our lives and our knowledge of the Great War and replaced them with what we thought was real. But it’s over now.”

Daryl stared wide-eyed at Rick, trying desperately to come to grips with what he’d just been told. He lost everything: his brother, Beth, even Glenn and Abraham and for what? All for just a fucking T.V. show? How could he ever know for sure if Merle had actually been blood? And what about him? He’d killed countless people in order to survive. He’d done some deplorable things for survival. How would he be able to live with himself with everything he’d done?

“I know it’s a lot to take in. We’re still having trouble digesting it all,” Carl said, interrupting Daryl’s inner turmoil. “The others have been asking about you. They’re worried; you’ve been asleep for a week.”

Daryl turned to look at Carl, noticing that his eye was covered with an eye patch. Why hadn’t they thought of that before? “How can they live with themselves with all the innocent people that died?” Daryl asked. “How can those assholes sleep at night knowing they allowed Beth and Glenn and Abraham to be killed?!” He struggled against the restraints, chest heaving as he held back angry tears.

Rick placed a gentle hand on Daryl’s shoulder. “I don’t know. But what I do know is that we’re all alive and that it’s over. We don’t have to worry anymore. Judith and Maggie’s baby will get to grow up in a safe world. No one else has to die. I know it’s going to be hard, but we need to mourn and move on. They wouldn’t want us to waste this.”

Daryl sighed, closing his eyes and collapsing back onto the bed. “I know that. But it’s hard to move on knowing they didn’t have to die.”

The woman from before entered the room again, holding a syringe in her hand. “I think I may have a solution for you, Mr. Dixon. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Tasha Wilson with Abstergo Industries. This is a de-aging serum we have developed to allow people a second chance and a fresh start. You will retain a portion of memories of your old life, depending on how young you wish to become. Since releasing it to the public we’ve had nothing but rave reviews. I think this will help you get over your survivor’s guilt.”

“How safe is that stuff?” Carl asked, eyeing the strange blue liquid in the syringe.

Tasha smiled at the young boy. “I assure you it is 100% completely safe. We ran extensive tests before allowing it to be available to the public. After the physical and mental de-aging is complete, we’ll place you in a suitable home most likely with a member of your group.”

Rick and Carl both turned to Daryl, waiting with bated breath for his decision. Even if he agreed to the serum, he wouldn’t go home with them. With Rick and Michonne both going back to work, there was no way Carl could watch two small children on his own. Daryl would probably go to Carol or to Aaron and Eric.

Daryl opened his eyes, determination in the steely gaze. “I’ll do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who aren't familiar with the Assassin's Creed video games, the reference is the name of the company that devised the whole experiment, Abstergo. They're the bad guys in the games and I thought it worked well here (mostly because I couldn't think of a good name for the agency.)
> 
> Much Love, S


	2. Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I added some new tags, nothing to extreme just some more characters and a tag about the relationship that will develop in later chapters.
> 
> Enjoy! S

Tasha picked up the syringe, lifting it up to the light to check the dosage. “The amount of serum in this syringe should take you down to an she of around 7 or 8. If you want to go younger than that, we can administer another small dose later. We’ll put your compensation money into an account so that you may use it whenever you want to. Once you reach 18, we’ll have a house ready for you to move in to.” She eased the needle into the meat of Daryl’s neck and depressed the plunger. “The first change should occur within the next 12 hours. I think it would be best to keep you here until the initial change has happened, so we can monitor you and so you know what to expect for the next ones. I have to warn you Mr. Dixon that the physical changes can be quite painful.”

“Do you think you could remove the restraints? Carl and I can handle Daryl if he lashes out.” Rick stroked his fingers through Daryl’s hair as he spoke. He’d watched over Daryl while he was out, giving him a sponge bath and finally washing his hair.

Tasha thought it over for a moment before starting to undo the ankle and wrist restraints. “Alright. But if it looks like he poses a significant threat to anyone, I’ll put them back on.” She set the restraints on the tray. “Press the call button if you need anything. I have others I must check on.”

Daryl waited until the doctor was out of the room before speaking the question that had been on his mind since waking up. “Why did they pull us out?”

Carl shrugged. “They said people lost interest. Once the world was assured that something like the Great War would never happen again, they moved on. Found other things to worry about, liking trying to clean up the U.S. and make it livable again. So the governments made Abstergo pull the plug on the experiment. Mowed down all the Walkers and knocked us out so they could bring us out. They said we’d be compensated for everything that went down during the experiment. They set us up in a gated community, kind of like Alexandria but way bigger. We all got houses and a ton of money; Judith and any other children we have will get full rides to a college of their choice. They’re letting us all stay together.”

“What about the Saviors? Where are they staying?” Daryl questioned, sitting up so he could look Rick in the eye.

“Some of the Saviors will be living in the gated community. It’s mostly the ones we never interacted with. Abstergo says they want to avoid a war between us. But there’s also going to be people from the Hilltop and some place called the Kingdom living there too.” Rick moved his hand down to Daryl’s forearm. “Do you want us to stay here tonight?”

Daryl shook his head. “No, I’ll be alright by myself. You should go home and be with your family. I’ll bet Judith is missing her daddy by now. Go on before I change my mind.”

“If you’re sure.” Rick stood, embracing Daryl and ruffling his hair. “Don’t hesitate to call if you want us to come back. I left my cell number with the nurse’s station. Take care of yourself Daryl. I’ll be by in the morning before work.”

Daryl watched Rick and Carl walk out of the room, leaving him alone in an unfamiliar place in a world he didn’t remember. How many of them were still alive? How many had died between the moments when he was taken by the Saviors to when he was pulled from the experiment by Abstergo? Did Carol make it out of the experiment alive? Would Maggie ever want to see his face again after he’d caused Glenn’s death?

A different woman walked into the room, her blonde hair pulled back from her face in a sleek bun and a pair of black cat-eye glasses perched on her nose. “Hello Mr. Dixon.” She spoke with a slight French accent. “My name is Delphine Moreau. I’ve been assigned to help you through your de-aging and to place you in the right home within your community.”

“But I thought Rick and Michonne would take me home. I don’t want to go with anyone else.” Daryl gripped the sheets under him tightly. He didn’t want anyone else to see him as a child; they would think he was weak for not being able to handle the memories of what he’d done.

“Unfortunately, with the serum there needs to be at least one adult home at all times. Rick and Michonne are both going back to work and Carl isn’t old enough to watch you. I’ll be placing you in a home where there is at least one adult home during the day and one home at night. There are a lot of factors that go into placing you in a home, Mr. Dixon. We want to put you in a home where the adults also gain something from having you there.”

“S-so … who am I going to be living with?” Daryl asked nervously.

“My team and I have looked over everyone’s file since pulling you from the experiment, and we feel that you would benefit the most from being placed with Negan,” Delphine announced.

A knock on the door interrupted Daryl before he could voice his displeasure. He looked over to see Tara standing in the doorway, on a pair of crutches with her right ankle in a boot. She smiled at seeing Daryl for the first time in weeks. “Hey Daryl, Rick said you were awake. Mind if I come in?” She wondered. 

Daryl nodded. “Of course. Maybe you can talk some sense into this chick. She’s trying to make me go home with _Negan._ ” He sneered at Delphine, folding his arms across his chest.

Tara hobbled into the room, taking a seat in the chair beside Daryl’s bed. “Would you mind if I talk with Daryl alone for a minute, Ms. Moreau? You don’t have to go far, just stand outside the door.”

Delphine nodded and slipped out of the room. Tara waited until the door shut behind her before speaking.

“Rick told me that you decided to take the serum, and I think that will be good for you. You’re going to hate me for this Daryl, but I have to agree with Delphine. I feel like Negan would really benefit from taking care of a kid; it’ll help him get back into a normal life. They have him in a strait jacket, Daryl. He was devastated when Abstergo told him the truth,” Tara stated.

“But I don’t want to be left alone with him, Tara! He killed our people! You don’t know what the Saviors did to me! Please, you have to get Delphine to change her mind,” Daryl begged. He didn’t know what might happen to him if Dwight found out he’d taken the serum and was defenseless to stop anything he might try.

“Yeah that’s true, he killed our people. But you know something, Daryl? I killed people too. I killed _our_ people when I was with the Governor. You gave me a second chance, and I think we should offer the same to Negan,” Tara argued. “What if we make a compromise? I’ll move in with Negan so I can help watch you. I’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you, and I can help Negan with integrating back into society.”

Daryl thought it over for a moment. Tara had a point; they’d all made mistakes in the past and who was he to hold it over Negan? “Alright, I’ll agree to the compromise. But if Negan doesn’t agree to it then I won’t go with him. That’s final.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise we'll get to Daryl going through the de-aging process in the next few chapters. I know these explaining chapters can get kind of boring to some, but it's integral to the overall plot.
> 
> Much Love, S


	3. Safe and Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is kind of a short chapter compared to the first two, but where it stops is the best place without it getting excessively long. And I promise Negan will be making an appearance soon.
> 
>  
> 
> Much Love, S

Daryl was starting to feel a bit warm. He’d already opened the window and kicked off the blanket, but still had a sheet of sweat covering his skin. He whimpered as he thrashed on the bed, trying to get rid of the cramping in his stomach.

“Daryl? Is everything alright?” Tara asked from the other bed. Delphine thought it would be best for Daryl to have someone familiar in the room with him during the initial regression and had Tara moved in. She threw off her own blanket and got out of bed, mindful not to put too much pressure on her healing ankle. Tara reached out and placed her hand on Daryl’s forehead. He was burning up.

“M’fine, Tara. It’s just the serum. I think I’m going through the first change. You should go back to bed, get some sleep while you can,” Daryl mumbled, his eyes glazed over with fever.

Tara shook her head, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I’ll never get any sleep knowing you’re over here in pain. I’m gonna stay up with you tonight, sugar.” She ran her fingers through Daryl’s hair, scratching his scalp gently with her nails. She hated seeing Daryl in pain like this; especially when there was nothing she could do about it.

“Will you sing to me?” Daryl asked, turning over onto his side and curling up in a ball. His stomach was really starting to hurt.

Tara continued stroking Daryl’s hair as she thought about which song to sing. Daryl hadn’t asked her to sing since he came down with food poisoning once back in Alexandria. As she looked down at him, she knew exactly which one. “For you there’ll be no more crying. For you the sun will be shining. And I feel that when I’m with you, it’s alright. I know it’s right. And the songbirds are singing like they know the score. And I love you, I love you, I love you like never before.”

Daryl drifted in and out of sleep as she sang, her soft voice soothing. His stomach cramped painfully, tears trailing their way down his cheeks. Tara brushed them away with her thumb without missing a word, not wanting to draw attention. “And I wish you all the love in the world. But most of all, I wish it from myself.”

Tara leaned down, kissing Daryl’s forehead. His fever was getting worse, and Tara didn’t know when she should alert one of the nurses. “Do you want me to get you some water? Maybe they have something to bring your fever down.”

Daryl shook his head. “It’s the serum. Can’t do anything about it, ‘til it’s done. Just stay with me … please?”

~~**~~

Tara had to do something, anything. It was breaking her heart to see Daryl suffering like he was. The fever continued to rise, reaching what would normally be dangerously high. But the night nurse who came to check on him at around 2 a.m. assured her that the fever always spiked the highest during the first regression, and to just try and get fluids into him as much as possible. Except Daryl was vomiting everything in his stomach because the cramps were so severe, so the nurse decided to hook him up with a drip to keep him from getting dehydrated. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, Daryl had started trembling, his muscles twitching like he was being hit with a Taser.

She’d gone through most of the songs she remembered by heart, but since it was the only thing that seemed to helped Daryl stay calm, she decided to look up others online. She was getting desperate. “I walk to the river, waiting to hear the water sing. I sit down beside her, trying to hear the quiet rain. The leaves break the fallen. The sunlight that colors these banks. I’ve seen the water running, I’ve seen the color wash away.”

Daryl was already starting to look different than when she’d first come into his room. He’d lost most of his muscle tone, and the lines of time no longer etched themselves on his face. Tears streamed down his face constantly, a true testament to the amount of pain he was in. Daryl never cried before; only once when Beth was killed.

“Shit,” Tara muttered as Daryl began seizing, his body going rigid except for the jerking of his limbs. She climbed into bed behind him and wrapped her arms around him. “It’s okay Daryl. I’ve got you, you’re okay.” Tara brushed the sweat soaked hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear as she kept up a stream of reassuring words. “I won’t leave, I promise.”

A sharp cracking sound jarred Tara from her sleep. Daryl screamed in pain as his bones broke and reshaped to fit in his new body. She had to tighten her arms around him as he struggled to get away from the pain. “I’ve got you, Daryl. It’s almost over. The first one’s always the worst. You just gotta hang in there, darling. I know you can do it; you’re so strong.” Tara knew her words were lost in the heat and pain; she was talking more for herself than for Daryl. She’d go crazy otherwise.

“I see he’s in the worst of the regression,” Delphine stated as she walked into the room, a clipboard in her hand. Tara looked up at her, thankful for another set of hands and someone who could help him.

“Please Delphine, there has to be something you can give him. Something for the pain o-or to help him sleep. I can’t stand to see him in this much pain,” Tara begged, sitting up behind Daryl in bed. Tears brimmed in her eyes and she swiped them away before they could fall.

“I can give him another sedative, but I can’t guarantee how long it will last. The fever will burn off most of the medication we give him and I don’t feel comfortable giving him as much as they did when he was first brought in,” Delphine laid out. She leaned out the doorway and called for the nurse to bring the sedative. “If you’d like, I can give you a sedative as well to help you sleep.”

“No thank you. I’ll be able to sleep once he does.” Tara settled back in her spot as the big spoon, rubbing Daryl’s arm gently. Daryl would be okay, she reminded herself. These people knew what they were doing and had been doing for quite some time. From what she had overheard from various nurses and scientists, hundreds of people had taken the serum without negative effects. Daryl would be just like all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the two songs that Tara sings to Daryl in this chapter are "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac, and "To The River" by Down Like Silver.
> 
> I suggest you listen to "To The River" (look it up on YouTube) while reading this chapter, because it's mostly what I was listening to as I wrote it. It's such an amazing song that I heard on an episode of a show called "The Last Ship" (which is also an amazing show!)
> 
> Much Love, S


	4. Look Around

Tara awoke the next morning to a much smaller body tucked against her chest. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked down at Daryl finally sleeping peacefully. He looked around 16 years old, all lanky knees and elbows. His skin was soft and smooth, not a single scar remained from his time in the experiment. Tara took her phone from the pocket of her jeans and snapped a quick picture. Those who had already been released and those still in the hospital would want to see Daryl’s progress as he de-aged. 

Daryl groaned, turning over onto his stomach. The hospital clothes stuck to him with sweat and what smelled like vomit, and Daryl wanted nothing more than to have the world’s longest, hottest shower.

“How are you feeling?” Tara asked softly as she put her phone back in her pocket and sat up. She stretched her arms above her head, working out the kinks from sleeping cramped in a too small bed with another person.

“Tired … and kind of gross. How bad was it last night?” His voice was muffled in his pillow, and he couldn’t find the energy to lift his head.

Tara sighed, rubbing Daryl’s back gently. “I’m not going to lie to you sugar, it was pretty bad. You got a really bad fever and you couldn’t keep anything down. But the worst parts were the seizures. They took me by surprise and I didn’t know what to do. There wasn’t anything I really could do.”

Daryl turned his head to look at Tara, fear shining in his eyes. “Seizures? Is that supposed to happen? What if something went wrong? Dr. Wilson didn’t say anything about seizures.”

Tara shushed his panicked questions. “It’s okay Daryl. Delphine came in last night and said everything was going the way it should be. But when Dr. Wilson comes in to check your vitals, we’ll ask her. Okay? Did she say how young you’re supposed to get?”

Daryl nodded. “When it’s all done I’m going to be around 8 years old. She said if I want to be younger, she can give another small dose once I’m done with the first go around.” He sat up next to Tara, resting his head on her shoulder. “Have you been to see him yet?”

“No, I haven’t been to see him yet. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving you alone last night, so I’ve been here. I’ll go see him later today if they allow visitors. I don’t want to leave you for too long, since we don’t know when the next regression will be.” Tara brushed her fingers through Daryl’s hair, making a note to have him get in the shower before his next regression.

“You should go now while I’m awake and stable. I doubt they’ll be so close together. I’m fine for a while,” Daryl remarked, looking up at Tara with a small smile.

Tara smiled back at him, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his forehead. “I’ll be back in an hour, sugar.”

Daryl watched Tara leave, not thinking about how his chest tightened once she was out of sight.

~~**~~

Tara stopped in front of the door to Negan’s room, her hand gripping the doorknob. Delphine had given her permission to see him but now she wasn’t so sure it was the right thing to do. She steeled herself and stepped inside, shutting the door behind her.

The sight inside the room broke her heart. Negan was practically a prisoner in Abstergo; locked in a small room with no windows and not even a mattress to sleep on. Tara took in the conditions and gasped, drawing Negan’s eyes to his newest visitor.

“Wh-which one are you again?” Negan asked, his voice full of gravel.

“Tara. I was from Alexandria,” Tara replied. She gripped the handles of her crutches, not quite sure what to do with her hands.

“I remember you. What are you doing here? Come to get vengeance for your people? I won’t stop you.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I can’t stop you. Just get it over with so I don’t have to live in this Hell anymore.”

Tara sighed, setting her crutches against the wall and sitting down on the floor across from him. “I’m not here for vengeance. At least not against you. I came to talk with you, Negan. I overhead them talking about keeping you here permanently. They say you’re a danger to others and can’t take the chance of letting you out.”

Negan shook his head. “I’d rather die than stay here for the rest of my life. You have to get me out of this place, Tara. Please I’m begging you.”

“That’s what I came to speak with you about. I think I can convince them to release you. But you’ll have to move in with me so I can keep an eye on you. Ms. Moreau also thinks that taking care of a child might help you forget what happened during the experiment. There’s someone that was in the experiment with us who decided to take the de-aging serum and needs a home to go to. So what do you say, Negan?” Tara explained, trying to figure out what Negan was thinking about.

“Who? Who decided to take the serum? Is it someone I know?” Negan asked, looking down at the ground in front of his bare feet.

“I’m not going to tell you. I don’t want that to influence your decision. It doesn’t matter anyway; they won’t remember anything from the experiment.” Tara wrapped her arms around one knee, her other leg stretched out in front of her.

Negan closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. “But I don’t know if I can do it. I’m afraid I might hurt someone. What if I can’t handle being on the outside?”

“You need to stop doubting yourself, Negan. We’re all still capable of hurting someone at the drop of the hat. But you need a support system if you’re ever going to get past this. And I don’t mean any of the Saviors. Now that we know the world didn’t end, they don’t have any reason to follow you. Dwight’s not what you need right now.” Tara stood, grabbing her crutches. “Just think about it. I’ll have Ms. Moreau come by later for your answer. I really hope you take the time to think this over. I think this is the only way you’ll ever see the world outside of Abstergo.”


	5. The Forgotten

Negan watched Tara leave, the door slamming shut behind her. His shoulders slumped, as much as they could in the strait jacket. Though he didn’t want to admit it, Tara was right. There was no way Abstergo would release him to live with the public; he was a flight risk and a liability. The rest of his life would consist of the four gray walls that surrounded him now. Tara was his only hope of escape. He was just glad Tara couldn’t see the bandages around his wrists from his botched suicide attempt.

But he didn’t know how well he would do in a world he’d long forgotten. Not having Lucille felt like not having one of your limbs. Lucille had been a coping mechanism for him; a way for him to become someone else, someone people feared. Tara couldn’t possibly be right about the Saviors … could she? Would they really so easily turn on him now?

Daryl perked up at the sound of the door opening. “Tara! How did it go?” He’d been reading some western that one of the nurses had dropped off for him. It was good and Daryl couldn’t remember the last time he felt safe enough or had enough free time to sit down and read a book.

Tara shrugged before she moved over to the chair by the bed. “It went as well as expected. But I think he’s going to agree to it. And before you ask, no I didn’t tell him who had taken the serum. I didn’t want that to be a factor in his decision.” She sank down in the chair, happy to get off her feet. “I’m glad you weren’t with me. You don’t need to see the horrible conditions they have him in. There are no windows … there’s not even a bed for him. He’s in a strait jacket and it looks like he hasn’t had a shower in a week. I’m hoping he’ll say yes soon so I can get him out of there.”

Daryl nodded. “Dr. Wilson came in while you were gone. She says everything looked good after the first regression, and that if Negan agreed to the arrangement I can go home!” He smiled widely at Tara, a warm feeling spreading in his chest. The sooner he got away from Abstergo, the sooner he could try to move past the experiment.

“That’s great news, sweetie!” Tara replied, reaching over to squeeze Daryl’s hand. “I’ll speak with Dr. Wilson and Ms. Moreau to see if they’ll make an exception so I can take you home even if they don’t release Negan right away.”

“Do you really think they won’t let him go home with us?” Daryl wondered. He picked at a piece of lint on the blanket covering his legs, suddenly nervous that he wouldn’t get to leave Abstergo today. He’d been so happy when Dr. Wilson gave him the news that he didn’t stop to think about if Negan would get to leave too.

“I don’t know, sweetie. I wish I had a clear cut answer for you, but it’s not that simple. Dr. Wilson and the other doctors think that Negan is a danger to others and from what I gathered while talking to him, he believes it. He believes that he’ll snap at any moment and hurt someone,” Tara remarked.

“What do you think?” Daryl questioned, still not looking Tara in the eye. “Do you think he’s dangerous?”

“He’s no more dangerous than any of us. We’re all very capable of being triggered by something and snapping. But Negan would be much safer at home with us than here in Abstergo. We’re better prepared to deal with any flashbacks that Negan might have; these people have no idea the shit we went through. At home, there are less people around to get hurt. And I believe he’ll do a lot better in a brand new home that has no history for him, than here where he has nothing to do but relieve everything he did in the experiment.”

“I agree with you Tara,” Delphine said as she entered the room, holding a bag in her hand. “I will speak with Dr. Wilson about releasing Negan to you. You’ve made some excellent points neither of us had thought about. For now, I brought some clothes for you Daryl.” She set the bag down on the end of the bed. “I’ll return shortly with an answer for the both of you.”

Daryl reached out and dragged the bag closer, looking inside. He pulled out a pair of soft gray sweats and a black v neck t-shirt. “I can’t wait to get out of here,” Daryl muttered as he got out of bed.

“Do you want me to give you some privacy?” Tara asked, going for her crutches.

Daryl shook his head, tugging off the hospital gown they’d put him in. “No need. It ain’t anything you haven’t seen before.” He slipped on the sweats; they were as soft as they looked. He pulled the t-shirt on and stuffed the gown into the bag, leaving it by the foot of the bed. He climbed back into bed, turning on his side to face Tara.

~~**~~

By the time Delphine returned Daryl was fast asleep, his head resting against Tara’s shoulder. Tara curled around him protectively, running her fingers through his hair in a lazy rhythm. She was reading the book that Daryl had been earlier, though most of her attention was on the young man beside her.

“Hello Ms. Moreau,” Tara said softly, not looking up from Daryl’s sleeping face.

“Hello Tara. I have some good news for you.” Delphine sat down in the empty chair beside the bed. “I spoke at great length with Dr. Wilson and she gave the okay to release Negan if he accepted the deal. She agreed that we can do no more for him here, and that he would benefit from being in a new environment.”

That caught Tara’s attention. She set the book aside, but continued her ministrations to keep Daryl sleeping. “That’s great! Thank you so much Ms. Moreau. Have you spoken with Negan yet?” Tara wondered.

Delphine nodded. “I have spoken with Negan. He said yes. He seemed very sure in his decision; whatever you told him seemed to really have gotten through to him. So, officially as of 5 minutes ago, you three are free to go. There is a car waiting for you downstairs to take you to your new home. I hope everything will be to your liking, but do not hesitate to call and ask for changes. Abstergo thanks you for your time and effort in the experiment.” And with that, Delphine stood and left the room and their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a thought that I wanted to share with all of you and see what your opinions are.
> 
> While re-watching the mid season finale of TWD, I noticed that Negan has his left wrist bandaged. It made me wonder what could have happened. Does he self-harm? Did he try to kill himself at one point in time and wants to hide the scar? Is he hiding a Walker bite?
> 
> I'm hoping that it will be addressed at some point during the second half of the season, but for now all I have is speculation. So let me know what you think it could be?
> 
> Much Love, S


	6. Still Breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sudden hiatus. I haven't been on my laptop in forever, between work and helping my mom get closer to a hip replacement my schedule has been tight. But I have a few days off and I think I have enough for a good chapter.
> 
> Much Love, 
> 
> S

Tara held Daryl’s hand as they stood in front of the elevators. She’d ditched one of her crutches in favor of keeping Daryl close to her in case he got startled and wanted to run. They were on their way to the Psych floor to meet Negan, and Daryl squeezed Tara’s hand tightly. He was nervous to see Negan after everything that had happened, and he didn’t know how Negan would react to seeing Daryl.

“Wh-what if he changes his mind once he sees me?” Daryl asked softly, biting his lower lip.

Tara squeezed Daryl’s hand back, giving him a smile. “There’s nothing to be worried about, Sweetie. He’s not going to change his mind. He’s going to see that you are not the same man you used to be.”

“I hope you’re right,” Daryl muttered. They stepped into the elevator, Tara leaning over to press the right floor number.

“I know I’m right, Daryl. Negan wants to get out of this place as much as we do. And he’s going to love you. Under all of that bravado, Negan is a teddy bear. He has a soft side for kids; he showed it when he brought Carl back to Alexandria unharmed.” Tara pressed her lips against Daryl’s temple.

“Wait, when did Carl leave Alexandria?” Daryl asked. He’d never heard that story before, at least he didn’t think he had.

Tara waved her hand in the air in a dismissive motion. “It was back when you were still at the Savior compound. Carl hid in one of the trucks leaving Alexandria with the stupid plan of taking out Negan by himself. He only managed to take out three Saviors before he was disarmed. Negan could’ve done any number of things to Carl, but he didn’t. He brought Carl back home unharmed. Like I said, the guy’s got a soft spot for kids. He seemed particularly fond of Judith while in Alexandria.”

The two of them stepped into the elevator and Tara hit the button for the Psych floor. Daryl stared at the ground, his hands shoved into the pockets of his sweats. He wasn’t used to silence yet but didn’t know how to break it without making things awkward or bringing up things that were better left alone. He had so many questions he wanted to ask Tara before he regressed again, but he wasn’t sure if she would give him truthful answers.

“Thank you for doing this for me, Tara. I really appreciate it,” Daryl murmured. “When Delphine told me that I wasn’t going to be going home with Rick and Michonne, I was scared. I didn’t know if they were going to put me with someone who didn’t really know me, like someone from the Hilltop.”

“Well I wasn’t so sure about it at first, but I realized that someone needed to be there for Negan. He needs someone to help him deal with the things he did. He needs someone to be an advocate for him. And two heads are better than one, so when you told me that Delphine was going to put you with Negan I knew it was the right thing to do. I think the three of us can get through this, as long as we do this together.” Tara shuffled closer to Daryl and ran a hand gently down his arm. “I promise I’m not going to leave you Daryl. Not for anything in the world.”

The elevator stopped at the psych floor and Tara led Daryl down the hall towards the nurses’ station. “Hello, We’re here to pick up Negan. Delphine Moreau told us Dr. Wilson had discharged him,” Tara said to the nurse at the desk.

The nurse, whose nametag read “Haley” began typing something into her computer, presumably bringing up Negan’s file. “He’s all set to go. He’s waiting in his room for you.”

“Thank you Haley,” Tara replied. She motioned for Daryl to follow her down the hallway. “I don’t want you to be frightened by what Negan’s room looks like. Just remember that because of us, he won’t have to spend another day in there.”

Daryl nodded, warily watching the Abstergo staff that passed by. He still wasn’t quite used to the new world and wanted nothing more than to go back to Alexandria.

“In here sweetie,” Tara said, pulling Daryl from his thoughts. She held the door open for him and followed him once he stepped inside. She watched as his expression dropped into one of terror at the sight of Negan.

“H-hi,” Daryl stuttered, quickly staring a hole into the floor.

Negan looked up at the sound of a voice. He struggled to stand up, but his still bound arms made it impossible. “Hello there. Is that Daryl?” Negan asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Daryl nodded, shuffling to stand behind Tara. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Wow.” Negan let out a long breath. “I’m surprised you agreed to all this. I would’ve thought you’d want nothing at all to do with me.”

“Tara convinced me to give you a chance. She said stuff that made a lot of sense. That nothing that happened in the,” Daryl paused, swallowing the nausea that rose in his throat. “in the other place, was our fault. We were only doing what we had to do to survive. And she promised she wouldn’t leave.” Daryl turned to Tara. “I thought Delphine said he’d been discharged. Why is he still in that strait jacket?”

“I don’t know. You stay here while I go find someone who’ll give me some answers.” Tara patted Daryl on the arm before exiting the room back towards the nurses’ station, leaving the two men alone.


	7. An Unclouded Day

“You can look at me, you know. I won’t bite,” Negan stated in the quiet aftermath of Tara’s departure.

“I know that … but I’m scared,” Daryl muttered, very interested in the linoleum floor.

“Scared of what?” Negan asked. He watched Daryl from across the room, staring down at the hospital issued slippers on his feet. He refused to meet Negan’s eyes but Negan didn’t blame him.

Daryl shrugged. “I’m scared you and Tara will realize I’m too much work and leave me. I’ll end up all alone like before. I’m scared that this is all just a dream and I never made it out of the other place. This all seems too good to be true, and I don’t want to realize that it isn’t true.”

“You know Tara would never leave you. And I’ll do my best to stay. I won’t make any promises in case something happens and I can’t keep them, but as long as I’m of sound mind I won’t leave either,” Negan explained, pulling his knees to his chest as much as he could with his arms bound in front of him.

Tara returned with a nurse in tow before Daryl could respond. Not that he would’ve known what to say. “So there was just some misunderstanding with Dr. Wilson. But everything has been sorted out and we’re free to leave.”

The nurse helped Negan to his feet and began undoing the straps and buckles on the jacket. “You might experience some stiffness in your shoulders, but that should wear off in a few hours. You can take some aspirin if the stiffness really bothers you.”

Negan rolled his shoulders slowly when the jacket fell away. He couldn’t even remember how long he’d been restrained, but he knew it had to have been a long time with the amount of muscle he’d lost in his arms and chest.

“Come on Negan, let’s go. I want to get home and get settled before Daryl goes through the next regression,” Tara said, pulling Negan from his self-inspection. He nodded, following Tara and Daryl out of the room. 

Negan stared down at the floor, but he could feel the eyes on him as they passed by. He imagined how crazed he must look to these people; these people who didn’t have a clue what he’d gone through, what any of them had gone through. How many of these people truly knew what had gone down on the other side of the world?

He was silent during the elevator ride down to the ground floor. And Tara and Daryl had been kind enough to give him the space he needed. He wondered what the outside world looked like now, if it had changed in the time they’d been gone. What kinds of new innovations had been developed? How far had the world moved on, leaving them behind?

“I think that’s our ride,” Daryl mumbled, pointing out a driver standing in front of a long limousine, beckoning them to the open door.

Negan fell into step behind Tara and Daryl, eyes scanning the people coming and going from the hospital for potential threats. He couldn’t help but feel the pit in his stomach gnawing away at him after a particularly nasty look from an old lady with a cane. He knew what that woman was thinking, that he was a monster who should’ve been put down like all the other monstrous things back in the States.

“Negan? Are you alright?” Tara asked.

Negan looked up and realized he’d stopped walking. Tara was standing next to the limo, concern written across her face. Daryl peeked out from inside the car, chewing absentmindedly on his bottom lip. “Yeah,” He nodded. “I’m okay. At least I think so. Let’s get out of here.” He hurried to the waiting car, gaze fixed firmly on the ground. He could still feel that woman’s eyes burning a hole in his back.

“It’ll be easier once we’re at home. There no one will stare at us,” Daryl remarked, scooting over to make room for the others. At me.

Tara put an arm around both of her boys, holding them close. The three of them huddled together as the car pulled away from the curb. It wasn’t long until Negan and Daryl were passed out asleep against her shoulders.

~~**~~

“Daryl? It’s time to get up. We’re home.” Tara shook Daryl’s shoulder gently, rousing the boy from sleep.

Daryl shot up like a firework, eyes wide and frantically searching for whatever monster he’d been having a nightmare about. His labored breath began to slow as he realized that he was safe, and that the Walkers from the experiment were never going to be able to hurt him or his family ever again. He turned to look out the window, staring in wonder up at the large mansion rising up before them.

“This is all for us?” Daryl asked with shock. He couldn’t believe that Abstergo would just give them such an extravagant house, with probably more rooms then they’d ever have use for.

“Yup,” Tara replied. “This is all ours. It’s really not as big as it seems. I’m sure we’ll love it once we see the inside. Come on, let’s go.” She grabbed Daryl’s hand and pulled him from the car, standing beside Negan who had nearly the same expression on his face as Daryl.

“Well, might as well get this over with. Let’s go inside.” Negan reached for Tara’s hand, squeezing it gratefully.


	8. Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all of my lovely readers! I am back from my unplanned hiatus with a brand new chapters! I was dealing with some personal medical issues as well as trying to find new health insurance for my mother so that we can get things in place for her hip replacement which hopefully will happen sometime this year. Thanks again for sticking with me! Enjoy the new chapter!
> 
> Much Love, S

Negan approached the front door first, turning the doorknob and opening the door. He stepped inside slowly, looking around at the foyer. It reminded Negan of the house at Hilltop, but he quickly shoved that memory into the back of his mind. They’d send him back to Abstergo if they knew he was thinking about the Experiment.

Tara stood beside Daryl on the front lawn, waiting for him to be ready to go inside. He trembled as he clutched Tara’s arm. He stared up at the house, waiting for something to jump out at him. His breath was shaky and he was trying really hard not to make a run for it as far away as possible. Negan could hear Tara murmuring softly to Daryl, attempting to coax him inside.

“It’s okay Daryl. There’s nothing here. This place is safe. I promise you this house is clear. Why don’t we go inside and take a look? You can pick out whichever bedroom you want, and that way you’ll know there’s nothing bad here.” Tara rubbed Daryl’s arm as she spoke. “But take your time sweetie; whenever you’re ready. There’s no rush.”

Daryl looked down at his feet, cheeks ablaze with shame. He was acting like a coward, and he didn’t know why they were even bothering to take him in. “What if I’m never ready? What if I can never forget what happened? Maybe you should just take me back to Abstergo; I don’t want to be a burden.”

Tara squatted down as much as she could in the walking boot to meet his eyes. “Listen to me, Daryl Dixon. You are not now and never will be a burden to us. It’s going to take a lot of time for all of us to get used to being back in regular society. We spent years in the Experiment; we spent years fighting for our lives every day. We spent years not knowing who to trust and being at our lowest point. This isn’t going to be an overnight switch. We’re going to slip up, but as long as we’re together we’ll be able to help each other. So stop thinking down about yourself. Okay?”

Daryl nodded. “Okay.” He took a deep breath, struggling to keep the tears at bay. He didn’t understand why he was so emotional, but he figured it was because of the serum. He just hoped it would wear off soon. He hated feeling so weak. Merle would tease him if he saw how easily he cried now. Daryl squeezed Tara’s hand tightly, letting her lead him into the imposing house. He couldn’t wait until the rest of his memories of the experiment faded.

Negan shut the door once Daryl and Tara had entered, locking it safely behind them. He could hear the sigh of relief leave the young boy now that they were safely in the house. Negan hung back a bit as Tara led them on a tour of the house, not used to being accepted instead of feared. It was far too big for just the three of them, and Negan knew that at least one of them would wake up disoriented tonight. Hopefully they could avoid injuries.

\---------

“Have a good nap sweetie, holler if you need us.” Tara closed the bedroom door, leaving it open just a crack so they could hear Daryl if he needed help. The poor kid was so exhausted that he’d only made it as far as the first bedroom before wanting to take a break. It seemed as though the change really was taking a lot out of him. Negan had retired to one of the many bathrooms to take a long, hot shower and shave.

Tara took her time walking down the hallway towards the kitchen, peeking into various rooms to see what they contained. They were all very hungry after going for so long without steady food, but they’d have to take it slow and not start eating full meals right away. A dinner of sandwiches and soup would probably be best.

The kitchen was unlike anything Tara had seen before. Nearly everything was automated or high-tech and she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to figure anything out on her own. She smiled to herself as she pictured the family meals they would make together in this room, and the new, happy memories that came with them. Tara wanted to ensure that Daryl and Negan never went a day without knowing they were loved.

She opened the fridge to find it completely stocked with fresh food. At least they wouldn’t have to go grocery shopping right away. Tara wasn’t sure Daryl would’ve been up to leaving the house so soon. She grabbed everything she needed for sandwiches and looked in the pantry for some chicken noodle soup. Tara set about to cooking everyone something to eat, letting her mind wander as she worked. It was easier than she thought to slip into a motherly role, though every little noise had her freezing and reaching for a weapon that wasn’t there.

“Get ahold of yourself Tara! There’s nothing to worry about anymore. The Walkers are all gone,” She chastised herself, forcing herself to take a few deep breaths to calm down. She was acting ridiculous; Daryl and Negan needed her to be the level-headed one. Tara set the soup on low to keep warm and made up a few ham and cheese sandwiches.

Her cellphone chimed, and she pulled it from her jeans pocket. She smiled as she read the name on the screen and answered the call. “Hey Carol, it’s good to hear from you! How are you and Ezekiel settling in?”

_“Oh we’re settling in to our new place just fine. Abstergo built a huge enclosure in the backyard for Shiva so she can stay with us. It’s really helped Ezekiel adjust to everything. He told me in the hospital that he was afraid they’d killed Shiva. How are you? I heard you took Negan home with you.”_ Carol wondered.

Tara grabbed a plate with a sandwich and settled down in one of the barstools around the kitchen island. “Yeah, that’s true. It wasn’t good for him at Abstergo. He was basically a prisoner there. I knew he would be better off out here than stuck in that room replaying everything bad he did until he snapped. And it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement. He’s helping me take care of one of our people who took that de-aging serum.”

_“Are you sure that’s a good idea? We don’t know how Negan will react down the line. What if something triggers him and he hurts one of you?”_

Tara sighed. She had a feeling most of their group would eventually ask that question, but she was already tired of answering it. “I couldn’t leave him there Carol. No matter what he did in the Experiment, he’s still human. I want to give him a second chance; I think he deserves that at least. And we are all at risk for being triggered by something. I talked it over with the person taking the de-aging serum and they were on board as long as I agreed to move in with them.”

_“I trust your judgement, Tara. So if you are really sure about this, I support it. Ezekiel and I are here if you ever need help. We’re still all in this together. Are you going to tell me who decided to take the serum?”_

“I’m surprised you don’t know already. I would’ve thought Rick would have told everyone by now. Daryl decided it would be best for his own well-being and mental health if he took the serum. He’ll lose most of his memories of the Experiment, which I think will be better in the long run. I know he’s afraid that everyone will treat him differently because of the choice he made.” Tara shrugged, taking a small bite of her sandwich. She could hear the shower shut off from somewhere in the house.

_“I can’t say I’m surprised. I heard that he went through some shit at the savior compound. That can’t be easy to live with. How is he handling the change so far? How young is he going to get?”_

“He’s handling the change alright. The first one at the hospital was the worst. And the doctor who administered the serum said that when the final change happens, he’ll end up being about 8 years old. If he wants to be younger than that we can go back to Abstergo and he can get another small dose of the serum.”

_“Well just know that we don’t think anything different about Daryl now that he’s taken the serum. If this will help him heal than he’s stronger than some of us. How is Negan adjusting to being on the outside?”_

Tara polished off her sandwich as she thought about that. How was Negan adjusting to life outside of Abstergo? To life outside the Experiment? “I think he’s had his ups and downs. But overall it’s been okay. He’s in the shower right now, so I’m keeping an ear out for anything out of place.”

_“That’s all you can do. Let me know when Daryl’s done regressing and Ezekiel and I will stop by for a visit. I want to wait until he’s all settled in before stopping by. We really should get everyone together at least once.”_

“That sounds good to me. I think it’ll do Daryl and Negan some good to interact with other people as soon as possible. I’ll call you later.”

Tara and Carol said their goodbyes and hung up the phone. Tara shoved her phone back in her pocket just as Negan shuffled into the kitchen, drying his hair with a towel. He had a pair of gray sweats slung low on his hips. Tara couldn’t help but stare at the tapestry of scars covering his chest and arms. She wondered where they could’ve come from.


	9. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Yes I'm back! I got busy with work stuff and personal issues that kept me from not only watching the newest season of TWD but kept me from breaking out my trusty laptop and cranking out more content for all of you lovely readers.
> 
> Things will start to pick up soon, I promise!
> 
> Much Love, S

“Did you enjoy your shower? How’s the water pressure in this place?” Tara asked, sliding a sandwich across the counter.

Negan draped the towel across his neck, taking the sandwich with a smile. “Man, I can’t remember the last time I had a hot shower. And the water pressure is to die for.” He took a huge bite of the sandwich, moaning almost obscenely. “This is the best food I’ve had in months! Thanks for making us dinner.”

Tara shrugged. “It was no problem really. It was the least I could do. And I needed something to do with my hands. Not sure how I’m going to get used to all this down time. I feel like I should be out patrolling or gathering supplies or something.”

Negan nodded in understanding. “Normalcy is going to take us time to get used to. Sometimes I wished they had just left us over there. At least we knew what we were doing then.” He polished off his first sandwich, reaching for another. “Who was that on the phone?”

“It was Carol. She was just checking in to see how we were all settling in. Apparently she and Ezekiel moved in together; I had no idea they were a … thing. But I guess Abstergo had a house ready for them with a big backyard enclosure for Shiva,” Tara explained. She stood and moved to the fridge, grabbing both of them a beer.

“Did she mention me?” Negan took a long swig of beer, apprehensive about the answer.

“She did. She just wanted to make sure I was certain about my choice. I told her what I told Daryl. We are all at risk of being triggered by something, and that it shouldn’t change the fact that all of us deserve a second chance.” Tara moved around the kitchen as she spoke. She was starting to feel antsy and didn’t want to sit still.

 _“No, don’t touch me!”_ Daryl’s panicked voice halted the two into silence.

Tara looked over at the baby monitor on the counter. They waited with bated breath, hoping Daryl would settle down and fall back into a dreamless sleep. She and Negan exchanged a look, concern written clearly on both their faces.

 _“No! Stop it! Don’t touch me!”_ A terrifying scream made both of them jump out of their chairs.

“This is what I was afraid of. I thought it would be longer before the nightmares started,” Tara sighed, shaking her head.

“You go check on Daryl, I’ll stay here. I think I’d only make it worse.” Negan took his seat again, taking a long drag off his beer.

Tara knew better than to try and change his mind, so she simply nodded and hurried out of the kitchen towards Daryl’s bedroom. She followed his screams through the house, until they suddenly cut off. “I’m coming Daryl!”

She let her eyes adjust to the dim light given off by the nightlight in Daryl’s bedroom. Daryl thrashed on the bed, caught in the grips of some kind of nightmare. Tara stepped slowly up to the bed, waiting to see if just her presence would calm Daryl.

 _“Daryl? Wake up sweetie, you’re having a nightmare.”_ Tara crawled into bed beside Daryl when her words fell on deaf ears. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight, waiting for him to calm down. _“Don’t worry, you’re safe here. There’s nothing that can hurt you here.”_

Negan listened to Tara’s soothing voice over the monitor. She seemed to have such a way with young Daryl. His chest tightened as Daryl’s cries got louder and more panicked. Negan could only guess at what was causing him such pain.

 _“Let me go Dwight, please! I promise I won’t tell! Please!”_ Daryl begged. His voice was thick with unshed tears.

Negan’s hand shot out, turning off the monitor. He didn’t want to hear anymore. It reminded him of back when he and the Saviors had Daryl held captive at Sanctuary. Dwight came to him one night and had boasted of the things he’d done to Daryl in graphic detail. How he had made the other man ‘squeal like a stuck pig.’ Negan hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, but now he wonders what else had happened in that small, dark room that he wasn’t told.

Negan wiped the nervous sweat from his forehead, trying to take deep even breaths before he had a panic attack. He needed to know if Dwight was still alive, and if he lived in the same community as everyone else. His hands trembled as he swiped them over his face, wondering how he was ever going to find out. He reaches out slowly, flicking the monitor back on for when Tara came back to the kitchen.

 _“It’s okay Daryl. He can’t hurt you anymore. This is a safe place. I promise. I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you here. Negan and I are going to protect you with everything we have,”_ Tara murmured softly. Daryl’s frantic cries began to get quieter as Tara’s words seeped into his subconscious. It was another moment longer before the sound of Tara slipping off the bed crackled over the monitor.

Negan dropped his head onto the counter, waiting for Tara to return. He debated whether or not to tell Tara the reason behind Daryl’s nightmares. He didn’t know how she would react; if she would think differently of him because of it. Maybe being on the outside was a bad idea. Tara and Daryl would probably be better off if he had stayed at Abstergo.

“Don’t talk like that Negan,” Tara remarked, leaning in the doorway.

Negan looked up. He hadn’t even heard Tara walking back into the room. He also didn’t realize he’d said that last thought out loud. “It’s true though. I know I’m going to slip up and hurt one of you. I don’t know if I could handle that.”

Tara crossed the room, moving a barstool to sit across the counter from Negan. “The worst that could happen is things get a little physical. There are no weapons in the house so we don’t have to worry about it escalating past some thrown punches.”

Negan sighed; he knew now that he needed to tell Tara the truth. She deserved to know everything he knew about Daryl’s time in Sanctuary. “There’s something I need to tell you Tara. I don’t know how it’ll change what you think of me, but you need to know. When we brought Daryl to the Sanctuary, I had them lock him in a small, windowless room in total blackness. I knew it was the best way to break him; sensory deprivation until he was starved for human contact. It was my plan to then mold him back into the perfect soldier for the Saviors.”

Tara eyed Negan with confusion. “I already know all that. Daryl told us when he got back to Alexandria. You don’t have to tell me this again.”

“There’s more.” Negan dropped his gaze to the counter, following the swirls of white in the black marble. “Dwight came to me about a week after we’d captured Daryl. He … he started telling me how he’d done things to Daryl; how he’d made him scream like a stuck pig. That’s what the nightmares are about.”

Tara sat in shocked silence, hoping her face didn’t give away the emotions in turmoil in her heart and head. She had a feeling that it was something big to make Daryl react the way he had. She didn’t think she’d ever heard him scream like that before. “It wasn’t your fault Negan. Dwight is the one to blame here. He was the one who did those things to Daryl.”

Negan scrubbed his hands over his face. “I wish I could believe that Tara. But I knew he was doing it and I never stopped Dwight from being alone with Daryl.” He stood suddenly, his shoulders slumping. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning Tara.”

Tara watched Negan shuffle from the room, his body language quite similar to when she’d first seen him at Abstergo.


	10. It's Darkest Before The Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!
> 
> THIS CHAPTER DEALS WITH A CHARACTER SELF HARMING. PLEASE DON'T READ IF THAT IS A TRIGGER FOR YOU.
> 
> We're getting into some pretty heavy stuff in the next few chapters, so be warned if it's not your cup of tea.
> 
> Much Love, S

Tara stayed awake for a few hours after Negan retired into his own room. Her mind was still racing as she tried to comprehend what Negan had told her about Dwight and Daryl. Now there was the possibility that they might have to take Daryl to see a therapist, but that could change after the final regression.

Tara saran-wrapped the rest of the sandwiches and placed them in the fridge. She washed the knife she’d used in the sink and set it in the drying rack. She knew she was trying to find things to waste time with because she didn’t want to find out the kind of nightmares she would have herself. A whimper from over the baby monitor gave her the distraction she wanted.

She made her way quickly to Daryl’s room, thankful for the nightlight she’d turned on before she left. It cast the room in a soft warm light, and allowed her to see Daryl sleeping fitfully. He kicked away the blankets, turning onto his stomach and falling deeper into sleep. Tara sighed, stepping into the room and crawling back into bed with Daryl. It looked like this would be her post tonight; keeping watch over her young charge. And keeping an ear out for any sign of trouble from her other charge.

Tara rubbed Daryl’s back until she was sure he was fast asleep. She knew she would come to rely heavily on their extended family for help caring for Daryl, because there was no way she and Negan could do it on their own.

~~**~~

_“You should’ve been there Negan,” Dwight chuckled as he took the empty seat beside the leader of the Saviors._

_Negan looked up from cleaning the blood off Lucille, eyebrow raised in silent permission to continue._

_“We’ll have that douchebag Daryl broken in no time. Not even the tightest pussy in the world can compare to the feeling of someone squirming on your cock like a fish on a hook. His screams are like music to my ears; sounds like a stuck pig sometimes. I think I might let Simon or some of the other guys in on the fun too,” Dwight boasted, adjusting his junk in his jeans._

_“Just make sure you’re not too hard on him. It won’t do us any good to have him a soldier for us if he’s too far gone,” Negan chastised, grinning and handing Dwight a beer._

Negan shot up in bed, heart hammering in his chest. The house was quiet still, the world outside dark with night. He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep, but he figured it hadn’t been that long; a couple hours at best. Negan ran a hand through his hair, ignoring the way it trembled. His stomach turned as the nightmare replayed in his head, and he barely made it into the bathroom in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

When he was sure that there was nothing left in him, he flushed the toilet and slowly rose to his feet. He brushed his teeth, rinsing the aftertaste of acid from his mouth. Negan knew he wasn’t going to get back to sleep anytime soon and decided to explore the rest of the house. He padded down the hallway, checking every room that he passed. Most were empty bedrooms or bathrooms. He found what looked like a den at the end of the hall, with a large fireplace and some couches. The opposite wall was covered with bookshelves and there was a beautiful dark wood table tucked in a corner.

Negan left the door open, turning around and setting out in search of where Tara was. He tried to remember which room Daryl had chosen for himself, but the house was so large that it was hard to know where he was in relation to everything else. He sighed in defeat, choosing a room at random and closing himself inside.

It looked like some sort of craft room, with huge fabric rolls and shelves of supplies. Maybe the people at Abstergo thought they would like doing this sort of thing, or maybe they did it for Daryl once he fully regressed. He peeked inside a few cabinets, pausing as he came across a drawer of different scissors. He took a step back, averting his eyes. He couldn’t help but rub the bandage over his left wrist, the stitches underneath aching. He hasn’t done that since before the extraction from the Experiment, and he wonders if that was the reason the memories and nightmares were starting up again.

Negan reached out, snagging what looked to be a small box knife. He opened the blade, the light glinting off the unstained metal. His hand was steady as he held the blade to his skin, pushing down until blood welled up in a straight line. He cut deeper, not stopping until a small red river flowed over his fingers. He repeated the motion again and again up the inside of his forearm, his arm starting to tremble slightly. His mind quieted; the fear and anxiety of Tara and Daryl leaving him being pushed down under the roaring rush.

His eyes slipped shut as he let his hand go slack, the box knife dropping to the carpet with a soft thud. He couldn’t recall the last time the voices in his head were this silent; they lived to taunt him with the things he had loved and lost.

The warmth of his blood was a sharp contrast to how cold the rest of his body felt. He sighed, slipping into unconsciousness and the welcoming blackness that awaited him.

~~**~~

Daryl shook Tara awake in a panic; something had woken him and he needed Tara’s help to figure out what it was. The air in the house was off, a stifling itchiness that settled under his skin. “Tara!” Daryl whispered. “Tara, wake up!”

“What’s the matter sweetie?” Tara asked with a yawn. She sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Did you have another nightmare?”

Daryl shook his head. “No, it’s not that. Something’s wrong; I can feel it in the house.” He crawled out of bed, heading out the door without waiting to see if Tara was following.

Tara watched in confusion as Daryl disappeared from sight. Now that he mentioned it, there was something weird about the house but she chalked it up to being a brand new environment for them. She threw her hair up into a messy bun as she too left the room in search of the disturbance. Daryl was waiting for her at the end of the hall, looking back and forth in both directions.

“Do you smell that? It smells like … like blood or something,” Daryl stated with a shiver. A flash of Walkers at the end of the hall had him whimpering, but as quickly as it was there it was gone again.

“It’s coming from this way.” Tara pointed to the right, grabbing Daryl’s hand and leading the way down the hall.

The smell grew stronger as they approached a closed door in a hallway with otherwise open doors. Daryl clung to Tara, refusing to move any closer.

“Don’t worry sweetie, I’m sure it’s nothing. I’ll be with you the whole time, but I understand if you’d rather wait out here,” Tara said. She rubbed Daryl’s arm as she waited for him to decide. She could see the choice warring in his expression.

“I don’t want to be by myself. I’ll come with you,” Daryl replied. He held tight to Tara’s hand as they stepped to the door and she slowly opened it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to leave you with a cliffhanger and such a short chapter! I promise the next one will be really good!
> 
> Much Love, S


	11. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I held off on posting a new chapter until I caught up on season 8 and holy crap what a season! I'm excited to see how it will all play out.
> 
> I should let you know that this does NOT follow canon in the show (since a lot of characters in this story are now dead). I would say this goes off canon around the first half of season 8.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Much Love, S

Daryl whimpered, burying his face in Tara’s side at the sight that greeted them.

Tara reached over, squeezing Daryl’s shoulders. “It’s okay sweetie. But we need to go inside and make sure he’s okay. He needs us right now. Can you be brave for me?” She felt Daryl nod against her and release his death hold on her shirt.

She kept hold of his hand, squeezing it reassuringly as they entered the room. Tara let go of Daryl’s hand when they reached Negan and dropped to her knees. She reached out to feel for a pulse, a huge breath releasing at the flutter beneath her fingers.

“He’s alive, but he’s lost a lot of blood.” Tara looked up at Daryl, who had his arms wrapped around himself and was trembling. “I need you to go into the bathroom and grab as many towels as you can, and see if you can find a first aid kit. We have to find a way to stop the bleeding.”

Daryl nodded, turning around and bolting from the room to find the nearest bathroom. He’d do anything to get away from the sharp acrid smell of blood that permeated everything in the room.

Tara lifted Negan’s arm up above his head, knowing that it would help to slow the flow of blood until she could properly dress the wounds. “I don’t know what made you do this, but it must’ve been pretty bad. I just wish you would talk to me. I want to help you Negan, we all do, but we can’t if you won’t let us. We need you here with us; Daryl needs you.”

She couldn’t deny the way her own hands trembled as she reached over and tossed the box knife to the far side of the room. She didn’t want to chance Daryl seeing it.

Daryl returned a few moments later with a pile of towels and a small first aid kit. “This was all I could find,” He remarked as he set them down next to Tara. “Is he gonna be okay?”

“I think so, but we have to move fast. There’s no telling how long he’s been laying here.” She grabbed a towel and wiped the blood from Negan’s arm. “It looks like the cuts aren’t bleeding that badly, which means they aren’t that deep and probably won’t need stitches. I need you to look in the first aid kit for gauze and bandages. And see if there is any disinfectant and something like skin glue.”

Daryl rifled through the contents of the first aid kit. He handed Tara a few antiseptic wipes and continued to search for bandages and skin glue. He refused to look up from the first aid kit, knowing he’d freeze the moment he saw the blood again.

“What does the skin glue look like?” He asked as he set bandages and gauze to the side for easy access.

“It’s usually in a small bottle; it’s clear and should say glue on it. That kit may not have it in there,” Tara replied, wiping away a stray bit of blood. She glanced over at the first aid kit. “That’s it there.” She pointed to a small bottle hidden partially under an emergency blanket.

“Um, here.” Daryl handed Tara the supplies, averting his eyes to the carpet in front of his knees. There was a spot of blood in his peripheral, and he tried hard not to focus on it. He instead tried to focus on the sounds of Tara working.

She worked quickly, her fingers covered in blood.

“I know this is scary, but I’m going to need your help. I need you to hold his arm still while I wrap the bandages tight around it.” Tara waited for her words to sink in. She knew it was dicey asking him to help, but she couldn’t do a good job by herself.

Daryl scooted closer to Tara, looking up at her for reassurance as he grabbed Negan’s arm. _“I can do this. Tara needs my help. I can do this.”_ He repeated the mantra over and over as he focused everything on keeping his own hands still. He refused to think about how cold Negan’s skin was, or how he hadn’t moved since they found him. What if being around him had been the trigger for Negan? Was he to blame for this?

“Okay, I’m all done,” Tara announced after a few tense silent minutes. “I’m not sure what we should do next, but we’ll have to keep an eye on him until he wakes up. Help me get him back into bed. We can watch him together.”

The two of them hauled Negan to his feet, propping him up between them. They made their way slowly out into the hallway; Tara flipping off the light to the craft room as they left.

“You were really brave today, Daryl. I want you to know that,” Tara remarked.

“No I wasn’t, I froze. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t been there. I’m nothing but a scaredy-cat now.” Daryl shrugged, lifting Negan higher on his shoulder. “I can’t stand how much I let Abstergo change me. I used to be so strong and I knew what I was doing at any given moment. Now I can’t even sleep by myself without nearly pissing the bed from a bad dream.” 

“Don’t talk like that. It’s not your fault. And it was Abstergo that made you want to take the serum in the first place. They are the ones who did all of this to us; wanting a way out doesn’t make you a scaredy-cat. It makes you braver than a lot of other people; most wouldn’t admit that they needed help.” Tara steered them into her bedroom, flipping on the light so they could see.

“I guess it’s just going to take some time learning how to not put myself down,” Daryl remarked. “Merle used to do it a lot to me when we were kids. It’s kind of my normal now.” His chest tightened at the mention of his older brother. As much as Merle was a piece of shit to him when he was alive, Daryl missed him.

“Let’s lay him down on the bed,” Tara stated, motioning to the bed she had vacated earlier that night. They laid him down gently, tucking the blankets around him to keep his body temperature up.

“What do we do if he doesn’t get better? If we take him to a doctor they might send him back to Abstergo. I don’t want him to have to live through that again,” Daryl wondered as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Whatever adrenaline he may have had was gone and his entire body was starting to shake.

“We’ll figure something out Daryl. But for now, we need to get you something to eat. You haven’t eaten in days and you’re starting to crash.” Tara rubbed a hand across Daryl’s shoulders as he tried to stifle a jaw-cracking yawn. “You stay here and keep an eye on Negan. I’ll go to the kitchen and be back before you know it. But holler if you need anything. I’ll hear you.”

Daryl nodded, watching Tara disappear around the doorway. He let out a shaky breath in the quiet that followed, all his tears seemingly gone for the time being. He looked down at Negan; he watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. Daryl wondered what kind of dark thoughts could make a person want to do that to themselves. He wondered if they should’ve seen the signs.

He was still watching Negan breathe when Tara returned with a sandwich and potato chips piled on a plate. He took it with a forced smile, grazing on the chips as Tara checked on Negan.

“I think we should all sleep in here tonight,” Tara said after seeing if the cuts had started to bleed again. “You can sleep in the bed with Negan and I’ll sleep on the floor. It’s nothing I’m not used to already. We’ll see how he’s doing in the morning and we can always call Carol or Rick if we need help.”

Tara tucked the blankets tighter around her two boys. Daryl had passed out shortly after eating, slumping to the side and would’ve fallen off the bed if Tara hadn’t been right there. She picked up the plate from the floor and set it on the bedside table. The dishes could wait until the morning to be washed. She’d already gone to the linen closet in the hallway for extra pillows and blankets, though she highly doubted she’d get any sleep. She took a moment to turn down the lights before lying down on the floor at the foot of the bed. Tara stared up at the ceiling, listening to Daryl toss and turn before his breathing evened out as he settled down. They were going to have a hell of a long day ahead of them tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, sorry if this is a short chapter. It felt like a good place to stop.


End file.
